Grievances
by Misery Loves Fanfics
Summary: ..."Look, I won't have you crying on me anymore, so I'm solving your guy problem. And...the only solution I can think of is that...you should date me." Dasey
1. Tears

_**One: I don't own Life with Derek. Two: Let us call this an IC experiment. The question I pose: How well can I keep the characters of LWD IN character? The answer: this fanfic. In other words, I'm testing myself. And you, the readers, are my guinea pigs. Oh, and, the italic dialogue constitutes as Casey's typical commentary at the beginning of each episode. Enjoy.**_

_"Every girl has her perfect romantic moment, right? Depending on the girl it totally varies. Mine, of course, is a classic: the brave knight rescues his damsel from incredible danger, professes his undying love, and thereafter carries her off into the sunset, on a white horse. …Okay, so even I can admit that's a little unrealistic, but, I'm allowed to dream._

_Wow. How ironic."_

The door slammed loudly. The noise was soon joined by a second, equally loud: crying.

Those two things had never spelled so much trouble until Casey came along.

In a small, watered-down version of Casey's "make-a-list" habit, Derek begins to think of possible reasons for the impending sob-and-rant fest in the living room.

One—she had gotten into a fight with her date.

Two—someone had done her some horrible injustice, namely, her date.

Three—her date wasn't what she'd thought it would be.

Four—_she_ wasn't what her _date_ had thought she would be.

Considering this logically, the first reason was the most likely. Considering this Derekally, number four was the most likely. He would smirk at the thought, but Casey had just stormed into the living room, red in the face and tears streaming down her cheeks. She was a complete mess, and she was livid. That made it very difficult not to laugh.

"Casey," he began conversationally, "we seem to be having an awful lot of problems with dates lately, haven't we? Oh, I'm sorry, that's just you."

Casey fixed him with her fiercest glare. "Shut it, Derek. I am _not_ in the mood."

This didn't bother Derek, of course. He leaned back in his chair. "So, tell me, how long did it take him to figure out what a freak you are? Please, don't spare any details."

"You know what, that guy was _the_ most pigheaded, selfish, un_reliable_ jerk I have ever met!" Casey started pacing around the room. "_First_, he _flirts_ with our waitress, _then_, when our food comes, the _first_ words out of his mouth are 'if you don't finish yours, I'll be happy to eat the rest.' _Then_—"

"All right, maybe that's enough info." Derek got out of his chair, only to be pushed down again by Casey. "Look, I'm sure your date just found you uninteresting; which reminds me, _I _would rather be upstairs right now, so—" He tried to get up once more. Casey shoved him down again with extra force.

"Now, I believe your exact words earlier were, 'please, don't spare any details.' And since you _did_ say _please_ I would be more than _happy_ to oblige." Looking like an angry lioness, she added, "So you'd better stay and _listen_."

Derek decided to hear about Casey's horrible date. After all, it was in his best interests at the moment. Casey looked about ready to tear him to pieces.

So, here was the full story: Casey and her date went out to some second-rate restaurant, where the guy (his name was Kevin, by the way) flirted with every girl that passed by the table. After the chicks, food became his next highest priority and he devoured everything that was served. Including most of Casey's dinner. _Then_ he ditched her for about an hour and left her to pay for the meal, _and_ find another ride home.

This guy was a real jerk, even by Derek's standards.

"And the worst part is," Casey went on, tears tracking her mascara all the way down to her chin, "he'd seemed so _sweet_ when he'd asked me out. So much like…like _Max_ when _he_ first asked me out."

Oh, joy. First the dish on the bad date, now a trip down memory lane. And Derek thought he'd be having a more pleasant evening.

Casey looked absolutely heartbroken.

"Why couldn't I just stay with Max? He was nice, he cared; I mean, he wasn't _perfect_, but…" Derek waited. "…he really made me feel special."

She'd never looked so pitiful.

It kind of…hurt.

Not fair.

"C…Casey, come on, now. You should be _over_ that meathead already."

"Well I'm _not_, Derek, and don't call him that!" She flopped down on the couch. "Maybe…maybe that's why I can't find a good date…I don't deserve a good guy…someone like Max…I deserve to be alone."

Derek tensed nervously, hanging over the armrest of his chair. "That's going a little far, don't you think? I mean, sure, you've got _tons_ of flaws, but—"

Casey was back to dripping mascara and sniffling, looking more miserable than Derek had ever seen her.

He sighed and moved next to her on the couch.

"Hey, just because you've had a little bad luck with guys doesn't mean you don't deserve a good one. You should know that."

Casey looked at him hopefully. "You really think so?"

Normally he'd be reluctant to admit it, but… "Yeah. Of course I do."

Casey smiled. "Thank you, Derek. That was…really sweet."

Then she reached over for a hug.

"Hey, hey, _no_, no hugging!"

Casey ignored him. She hugged him anyway and buried her face into his shirt. She was crying again.

"Aw, come on, you're getting mascara all over my shirt!" Derek placed his hands on her shoulders, about to shove her off. But Casey tightened her grip.

"Just a little while, Derek," she said quietly. "For _once_ in your life, just be nice to me for a little while."

Derek sighed.

He didn't do tears. But he couldn't just push her away.

Wrapping his arms around her shoulders and tucking her head under his chin, Derek conceded.

He let Casey cry on him.

"This is a one-time thing only," he told her. "I don't do tears, you know."

"I know."

Derek let his hand drift upwards to stroke Casey's soft hair; just a small attempt at comfort. His eyes slid shut.

He was never going to do this again.

**_As for why I titled this "Grievances"...well, you'll just have to review to find out, won't you?_**


	2. The Notebook

_**Well, I've got to say that I've never gotten so many reviews on a first chapter before. And so quickly in succession. I couldn't check my email these past few days without seeing a review. This chapter has a new test for me, and that would be Emily. She requires...a little more work than Derek and Casey do, considering she's not one of the MAIN main characters. I plan to have a scene with Paul in this story at some point as well, and he'll be even harder. I do not own Life With Derek, and without further ado please enjoy the second chapter of "Grievances."**_

_"So, by now, we all know that Derek has his moments. He can actually be really sweet when it suits him. Marti has a cute and cuddly secret or two about him that I've had the pleasure of hearing about. So I know that deep down, Derek Venturi is a good guy._

_The only problem with that is…sometimes he's too good at hiding it."_

Derek slammed his palms down on the kitchen counter. Nora and George just looked at him, startled.

"Derek," Nora began cautiously, "is there something wrong?"

Let's just say that he had a few complaints.

Derek gave them a tight-lipped smile, which was a definite cause for further worry. "Why, Nora, wonderful of you to ask. Now, let me ask you something: where _were_ you two last night?!"

If the couple in front of him had been startled been before, they were completely shocked now. George put on a stern face.

"Hey, I'd watch your attitude if I were you. Now what in the world is the problem?"

"The _problem_ is, you two _left_ me here—alone—with a _crying_ Casey. A normal Casey I can handle, but a crying one is completely out of my hands."

"Casey was crying?" Nora suddenly looked worried. "Oh no, did something happen with her date?"

This wasn't the important issue to Derek, so he just brushed it off. "Yeah, yeah, the guy was a jerk; flirted with the waitress, didn't pay the bill; yada, yada. The point here is that she cried to _me_ about it when she got home."

"I'm going to go check on her," Nora said, quickly dashing upstairs. Derek sighed.

"Look, all I'm saying is that I don't want her crying on me again. D'you think you and Nora could manage to be _home_ when Casey has a date?"

"I've got a better idea: why don't _you_ learn to be a little supportive once and a while?" Ignoring his son's disbelieving look, George patted him on the shoulder. "Now get some breakfast; you don't want to be late for school."

It appeared that Derek was going to have to find another way to solve his problem.

His Plan B: Emily.

He cornered the girl in between classes with a quick, "walk with me, talk with me," sort of thing. She followed him willingly, although she was a little puzzled. She kept staring at him as they walked, thankfully with curiosity and not that clueless, idolizing sparkle that she used to stare at him with. He eyed the small, yet rather infamous notebook that she always carried with her.

When they stopped, somewhere between the gym and a row of broken lockers, she was the first to speak.

"What's up, Derek?"

Derek pointed to her notebook. "You have data on _every_ guy in this school in there, right?" Emily blushed and looked about ready to play dumb, but Derek didn't have any time for that. "I'll take that as a yes. Which leads me to our next topic: I need your help."

Emily looked more confused than ever. "You…need my help? For what?"

Derek sighed. This part was necessary, but that didn't make it any easier to say. "Well…you…heard about Casey's date last night, right?" Emily nodded. "So you know how bad it was." Again, Emily nodded. "See…Casey kind of came home in tears, and since I was the only one there, I kind of…had to…let her cry on me. Not my idea of a fun evening, let me tell you." He paused awkwardly. "So here's the deal: I want to find her a new boyfriend, and I need your help to do that. So how about it?"

Emily frowned. "I don't know, Derek…you pulled this sort thing before with Sam, and it was for a trip to _Europe_." Derek grimaced at the memory. He should have know that would come back to haunt him. "If I help with this, what do _you_ get out of it?"

"I get some peace and quiet," Derek answered. "I will _not_ have Casey crying on me again. Derek Venturi—"

"—doesn't do tears," Emily finished. "All right, you've convinced me. I'll help, but I'm doing it for Casey." Her brain kicked into high gear, Emily began flipping through her notebook. Derek could see by her studious expression that she was forming a plan already. "I see…a few guys in here that _might_…be compatible with Casey…" She shut her notebook. "But I'd need to do more research on their dating history."

"And…how long will that take?" Derek asked, a little afraid of the answer.

Emily smiled sheepishly. "Truthfully…about a week." That was too long.

"Any way we can speed it up?"

"Well, if you could do some interrogating, that would make it a lot easier," Emily answered. "But I'd still need to be around to record the data, and I can't just ditch Casey all the time. We need to find a way to take them all out in one sweep…" Derek waited while she thought.

After a few moments, her face lit up.

"Got it! Derek, meet me in the auditorium after school, okay?" And without another word, she sprinted off.

As the bell rang, Derek suddenly became worried about what she was thinking.

If there was one thing Derek had known for a long time, it was this: _never_ ask Emily to help you with a matchmaking project unless you knew what you were in for. The girl went all out.

There was a line of guys trailing outside the auditorium doors. Taped above them was a sign that read, "Who Wants A Date With Casey McDonald?" Derek was surprised that this many guys had shown up for it. He was even more surprised that Emily had managed to set this all up without it catching Casey's attention.

Derek shoved his way through the crowed until he got to Emily, who was sitting behind a table in front of the stage. She had all sorts of paperwork laid out on the table, including her notebook. As he got closer, he saw her pointing out various things on the papers and saying, "Sign here…and here…initial here…"

He peered down at the paper the current guy was signing. "A confidentiality agreement?"

"This is to assure that nobody tells Casey about this," Emily explained. "I even added a 'Derek Clause' that says you'll be sure to beat them up if they breach the contract." She grinned at him. Derek sat down.

"I see. Speaking of Casey, how'd you put all this together without her knowing?"

Emily shrugged. "I had Kendra take care of that. They're out shopping right now." She picked up the first confidentiality agreement and set it aside before bringing a list in front of her. On it, she had made three columns and labeled them: Similarities, Differences, and Dating History. The last one was no doubt going into the notebook.

Derek stared at the whole set up in amazement. How did girls _do_ this?

"Okay, first up, Darrel Finster." Emily folded her hands on the table. It looked kind of intimidating, so Derek copied her. "Tell us a little about yourself."

Darrel scratched his head. "Uh, well…I'm the captain of a softball team—"

"—next!" Derek cut him off. Emily gave him a sour look.

"Derek, he's barely said anything yet!"

"She's not dating anymore sports guys," Derek insisted. "Max was a total disaster, remember?"

"Max played football, not softball; and I really don't see why she can't date sports guys anyway," Emily countered. Derek couldn't reply fast enough, so Emily turned back to Darrel with a pleasant smile. "Sorry. Please, continue."

Darrel hesitated. "Um…okay. So, yeah…softball, and…I'm also really into history—"

Derek interrupted again. "Speaking of history, what's your _dating_ history like?"

Darrel hesitated again. Emily rolled her eyes and sighed.

This went on for about three hours, until the head of the drama department caught them and told them to go home.

Not one guy had made the cut.

**_Next chapter has the line you've all been waiting for._**


	3. Unsteady Solution

_**Sorry about the wait. A frightening thing happened when I went to write this chapter. I couldn't hear Emily or Derek in my head. And when that happens, the story turns to crap. So, I had to rush to youtube and find an episode to get their voices back. Thank goodness, they finally came back. And I wrote the chapter. With the line. I don't own LWD, now please enjoy.**_

_"When Derek gets quiet, I usually get suspicious. Because Derek is only quiet when he's plotting something particularly evil. No good can ever come out of Derek being quiet for any length of time._

_Imagine my surprise."_

"Der-REK!"

Contrary to popular belief, the person currently gnawing his ear off was not Casey. It was Emily.

He wasn't enjoying her tirade any more than he enjoyed any of Casey's.

"I _can't_ believe you vetoed the _entire_ football team!"

"Hey, that was for _their_ sake," Derek insisted. "If Casey went out with any of them, all _they'd_ hear about is Max. If _I_ were them, I would rather be spared."

Emily sighed heavily and rubbed her temples. In the back of her mind she imagined what life would be like if a relationship with Derek had actually worked out, and she felt a little sick.

"Look, you need to learn to make a few exceptions for Casey," she told him. "You can't just send everybody with a _minor_ imperfection packing."

Derek folded his arms. "Casey would." That was his defense. A very good one. Emily had to agree to that.

"That's a good point," she said finally, "Okay. I can't believe I'm doing this, but, here." She handed Derek her notebook. He met her exasperated expression with a distinct, "are you serious?" look. "_You_ find a guy. When you find somebody you approve of, let me know. That's all the help I can give you at this point."

In just a couple seconds she'd washed her hands of him. And left him back at square one.

Plan C: ask Lizzie.

Lizzie was easier to talk to than Casey. For Derek, at least. Like most people in the McDonald-Venturi house, she _did_ tend to suspect him of ulterior motives in situations like this, but quite significantly less than Casey. In fact, the only person in the house that was less suspicious than Lizzie was Marti. That was saying something.

But, still, he should have known the minute he walked through her door with a smile on his face that her answer to his request would be less than favorable.

"You've _got_ to be kidding." The thirteen-year-old's too-shrewd eyes narrowed. "What's in it for you?"

Derek sighed and managed to refrain from rolling his eyes. "Must everything I do be judged so harshly?" Liz's expression didn't change. Time to amend that last statement. "Okay, so, I'm asking so I can get a little peace and quiet. I'm sure you heard about my complaints to Nora and my dad this morning?"

Lizzie thought about that. That sounded like a Derek enough reason. She nodded. "Yeah, okay."

Music to Derek's ears. "So you'll help?"

"No." Aaand, music gone. "I'd like to help you—" Lizzie shook her head and tried again, "—I'd like to help Casey with her boyfriend problems, but I'm only thirteen. I haven't even had a boyfriend of my own yet. And let's not forget that the only knowledge I have to go on, I've gotten from you and _Edwin_."

Derek cringed.

"Can I give you some advice, though?"

Derek shrugged. What could it hurt? "Shoot."

"Try to let Casey work things out on her own. Meddling around in her personal life will probably just make her upset. Just let her be."

Derek just stared at her.

Lizzie stared back. "You're not going to let her be, are you?"

Derek grinned. "Absolutely not." With that parting line, he made his exit.

An hour later, Derek found himself hunched over on the couch, absorbing all the data in Emily's notebook. Most of it was a complete jumble of "hotness factors" and "pros" and "cons;" not to mention lists of class schedules and school activities. He wasn't sure what to look at first.

He was muttering to himself as he read and he couldn't be bothered to care. He was on his own here and that was unsettling.

"Football player, football player, science nerd—is she into science?—transfer student, junkie, football player—augh!" Derek slammed the book shut, and then a second later flipped it open again and leafed through the pages a third time. "This is so stupid…half the guys in the school play sports…the other half…oh, now look at this guy." Derek stopped at a particularly detailed page.

Emily sure did a lot of work on this guy. She had a full two pages for pros and one for cons. His dating history was five or six pages long. And he'd been around the block a few times.

"Oh, now this takes the cake," he muttered to himself. "He's so bad for Casey it's laughable. Look at all the girls he's dated! Kendra…and there's…hey, wait a minute, I dated all these girls…" Derek flipped back a few pages.

Oh. That explained a lot.

"Geez, Emily, you think you've got enough about me here?" Derek sighed, shut the book, and leaned back on the couch. This was exhausting.

He leaned forward again and flipped through the book until he found his name again.

He skimmed all the pros—hey, Emily'd marked him "hottie"—and the cons, obviously curious about what had been written about him. Any and all opinions about Derek Venturi took precedence over the Casey dilemma.

He read through his profile like this until he reached the end of his dating history. At the bottom of the page Emily had written, "Currently: Single." And he paused.

An idea was forming. An idea that should have only been a passing thought that _absolutely_ should have been stomped down _immediately_. An idea that was hesitantly blooming in Derek's mind, making him very uneasy.

His body shot up from the couch and he tossed Emily's notebook onto it quickly.

He told himself to calm down several times. He paced back and forth in front of the TV. He needed to calm down and not think about it. If he thought about it, he would probably change his mind. And this was the only solution he'd been able to come up with all day, so he wasn't about to knock it right away. Frightening progress was better than none at all.

That was flimsy logic, but it was enough.

He had to be cool about this. Derek Venturi did not get flustered. He did not get nervous.

Even when he was asking out his stepsister.

Eurgh.

He went up the stairs to Casey's room. Cool as you please, he knocked on the door. He heard Casey call, "who is it?" from the inside.

"Uh, it's me, Case."

Casey opened the door. She was in a pleasant enough mood, so she didn't snap at him, but she did look confused.

For the record, Derek was confused, too.

"What is it, Derek?"

Derek wasn't quite sure what to say at first. How do you start off something like this casually?

"So…I was thinking."

He cut off completely, like that was the end of it. Casey looked even more confused, then.

"Um…okay…is that it?" She paused, the hint of a joke lining her lips. "Want me to congratulate you?"

"No." Best get out with it right away. "Look, I won't have you crying on me anymore, so I'm solving your guy problem. And...the only solution I can think of is that...you should date me."

There. That was easy.

Casey stared at him in shock. The lack of a vocal reply was making Derek extremely uncomfortable.

He shrugged. "So, uh…how about it, Case?"

She slammed the door in his face.

That had not gone well.

**_Well. Yes. Please review._**


	4. Casey's Project

_**This chapter was a little more rushed. Mainly because I wanted to get to Casey's part near the end. I loved writing that part. I do not own LWD. Please enjoy.**_

_"The day Derek finally drove me completely insane, I imagined it would end up with his sanity still completely intact._

_I'm…really not so sure that's how it went."_

"Come on, Casey, you're overreacting!"

The door flew open just as quickly as it had closed. Casey looked furious. "Overreacting? Over_react_ing? Derek, you're such a _creep_!" She slammed the door again, this time hitting Derek in the nose.

Well, that seemed like a clear "NO" to Derek.

Nora was upstairs in record time at the booming sound. "Derek, I heard Casey yelling. What did you do this time?"

Derek glared at her as he rubbed his sore nose, gritting out a sarcastic, "Thangks Dora, I'll be fide." He stalked off to his room then, muttering.

Edwin dashed to Lizzie's, his brain racing.

With suspicion fresh from Derek's earlier visit, Lizzie raised a brow at him.

"Okay, Edwin, I'm listening. What's up?"

"You will _never_ guess what I just heard."

Lizzie waited.

"Okay…I give up. What did you just hear?"

"Okay, get this: _Derek_ just asked _Casey_ out!"

Now _that_ was an eye-opener. "What? That was the _best_ he could come _up_ with?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind." Lizzie shook her head. "Are you _sure_ that's what you heard?"

Edwin nodded, looking much more excited about this than he should have. "_Positive_. I heard him say it myself." He got that conspiratorial look on his face that Lizzie had become so familiar with. "You know what this means, don't you?"

"No. I don't. What does it mean?"

Edwin grinned. "It means: we research."

"Oh. Right." Lizzie grinned, too. "I'll grab my notebook."

"I'll grab mine." Edwin ran off to his room. Lizzie dug around through her dresser drawers for hers.

Marti was insisting that Daphne be tucked into bed next to her.

Derek and Casey sulked themselves to sleep.

Which Casey complained about extensively to Emily the next morning.

"It was the most _ridiculous_ and _obnoxious_ thing he's ever said to me. As if I would be _so_ desperate that I'd even _consider_ dating _him_. Where did he _get_ such a stupid idea anyway? Em? Emily? Are you listening?"

Emily had heard every word, of course, and her jaw was hanging because of it.

_This_ is what Derek had come up with? She couldn't believe _he_ had been that desperate!

"Sorry, Casey, you just kind of…put me in a bit of shock, there. Derek asked you out?"

Casey made a face. "_Yes_. I knew he liked messing with me, but that was going a step too far. I mean, first of all, it's _Derek_, and second of all, we're siblings!"

"Well…stepsiblings, anyway."

"Em! It's still wrong, and you know it!"

Emily threw up her hands in defense. "I know, I know. So, what did you say to him?"

Casey shook her head. "Nothing. I just slammed the door in his face." She took her history book out of her locker and shut the door, starting to calm down, to think straight. Now she could focus on the thing that had been bothering her even before Derek threw that unbelievable proposition on her.

"You know what _really_ bugs me, though? It's the fact that he thought I should date him because he didn't want me to cry anymore."

"Well, Derek doesn't like tears. You know that."

Casey sighed. "I know. But…it still felt…oddly sweet to hear." She looked at Emily. Her characteristic, "am I going crazy?" look was on her face. Emily patted her shoulder.

"Casey, how many times must I tell you not to think so much?" She smiled sympathetically. "Come on. Let's get to class."

And that was that, for now. Emily had become quite good at getting Casey to laugh things off. However, this was still a very serious matter. She planned to confront Derek about it as soon as possible.

And when she did, she told him exactly what she thought of the whole thing.

"Pursue this," she told him. "Pursue this with everything you've got."

Derek stared at her incredulously. "You're actually _supporting_ my stupid on-a-whim decision to ask Casey out?"

"Thinking about it logically, yes," Emily answered nonchalantly.

"Um, sorry, but…in what way is dating Casey _logical_?"

"You don't want her to cry on you anymore, right?"

Derek nodded. "Right."

"So, then it's safe to say that you'd do anything to keep her happy, right?"

Derek nodded again. But he wasn't sure where she was going with this. "Right."

"And who better for Casey to date than someone who'll do anything to keep her happy?" Emily finished confidently.

Derek cringed a little. "You…do have a point. Even if it _is_ an incredibly…creepy point to make."

Emily cringed herself. "Yeah, it's creepy. After knowing Casey for so long, it's really hard to picture the two of you together. But, it should only be temporary, right? You can just…keep her happy until a…better match comes along."

Derek sighed. "All right. Guess I'll give it another try. What can it hurt?" He swallowed. "Besides my dignity…" he added in a mutter.

Emily rolled her eyes.

Derek spent the day agonizing over Casey's reaction to the fact that he wouldn't be giving up on this. If he kept trying to get her to date him, it might actually look like he _liked_ her, and that was simply unacceptable. Even worse, a not-completely-untrue rumor would start to spread around school, and the ladies would back away. His reputation would die a slow, painful, permanent death, all because he didn't want Casey to cry anymore!

Unacceptable.

That night, George and Nora went out. The more tense things between Derek and Casey got, the more often they seemed to do so. Not that anyone blamed them; and truth be told, Derek was quite grateful for it. Now all he had to do was pop Marti (and Daphne, of course) in bed, make sure Lizzie and Edwin were occupied, and work a little of his Derek-y charm…on Casey.

So the last part was a bit harder. But he could manage it, right?

With Marti fast asleep and Lizzie and Edwin wrapped up in some new research thing, Derek leapt at the chance to talk to Casey. She was sitting on the couch, furiously scribbling something in a notebook. Derek suspected homework, or poetry. She always looked so intense while doing one or the other.

Derek cleared his throat. Casey looked up, and amazingly, smiled. It was not an "I'm so happy to see you!" smile or even an "I'm plotting to kill you," smile. It was very business-like, polite; the smile Casey wore the day she'd begun to "feminize" the house. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

"Derek. Good. Just the man I wanted to see." She turned her attention back to her notebook for a second, dotted an "I" and then stood up with it. Ready for a speech.

"Now, I've been considering what you said last night," she said, "and I've decided that, because of the fact that you are _Derek_ and a selfish, egotistical playboy, I will accept your proposition in order to turn you into my personal project. I've compiled a list of—"

"Hold it." Derek threw his hands up. "Let me get this straight: you're agreeing to date me because you want to turn me into a _project_?"

Casey nodded, smiling as though this were the most natural thing in the world. "Yes. You do have _some_ capacity for sweetness—which you've proven on a few occasions—so I thought it would be worthwhile to, let's say, bring that sweetness to its full potential."

"You're psychotic."

Casey wagged her finger in his face. "No, no, Derek. Number four on the list: be sure to compliment whenever possible."

Derek snatched the notebook from Casey's hands and looked it over incredulously. "You made a _list_?" Casey frowned in disapproval and quickly snatched it back.

"Of course. If you and I are going to date, then I have to set a few ground rules."

"I'll say it again: you're psychotic!"

"Derek, you should feel _privileged_ to have this list," Casey snapped at him, waving the notebook around for emphasis. "It's like a cheat sheet into a woman's heart! And it's a sure-fire way to keep _me_ happy. You don't do tears, right?"

Derek's lips set into a thin line. He spoke slowly, lest he lose his temper. "Fine. Read me the list." That, to him, sounded a whole lot like, "read me my rights."

"Glad to see you're on board," Casey chirped; and she started to read the list. "Rule number one is a little unconventional for normal couples, but it's very necessary for us: Don't let the family find out."

"No problem. The less they know, the better."

"Exactly. Now, rule number two is also a little unconventional, but also quite necessary: We must each have one person to let in on the secret. I've already chosen Emily, since she already knows. I suggest Sam for you."

Derek shook his head urgently. "Not a chance. I can't let any of my friends know about this. Why don't you just pick one more friend to tell?"

"Der-rek!" Casey sighed in exasperation. "That completely ruins the whole point!"

"The point of what?"

"The point of rules five and six! Augh! Now you're making me go out of order! Okay, listen; rule number five: We must each pay special attention to birthdays and Christmas, and have private gift exchanges for these occasions." Casey glanced up once to make sure Derek was paying attention. "Rule number six: We will celebrate even the most trivial-sounding occasions such as the one-month anniversary with a special date and a private gift exchange."

Casey looked up again. Derek was raising a brow. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Don't you get it? If you don't pick a friend to tell, who am I supposed to ask about gifts?"

Derek shrugged. "Just ask me."

"Der-REK!"

"Oh, Casey, come on!"

"_Look_, mister, if you want to keep me happy, I suggest you pick a friend." She paused. Derek waited. "Or maybe I'll just have to let one of your ex-girlfriends in on the secret instead."

Derek paled. "Sam it is!"

Triumphant, Casey smiled again, sighing her tension away. "Good. Okay, rule number three…" She stopped. Derek watched her face turn red. Normally, this would amuse him. In this case, he was wondering whether he should be feeling as embarrassed as she was.

Against his better judgment, he asked, "What's rule number three?"

"Um…n-never mind, actually. I just…thought about it and…it doesn't seem like such a good idea after all. I'll just move on—"

"Hold it. I want to know what it is."

Casey turned even redder, if possible, and she swallowed. "U-um…rule number three: At school only, we will greet each other and part from each other with a kiss on the cheek." She swallowed again.

Derek shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah. Maybe we'll skip that one."

Casey nodded. "Right…now, rule number seven…"

Upstairs, peering through the railings, Edwin and Lizzie excitedly took notes.

**_By the way, what age would all of you infer that I am, simply from reading my writing?_**


End file.
